Have you ever wanted to do something, yet found yourself repeatedly doing almost anything else?
You might call it a lack of motivation.
But I've often wondered whether that description tells the whole story.
Years ago, I wrote about people who genuinely wanted to make a change, yet seemed to hesitate whenever the opportunity appeared.
One wanted to become more involved in a new environment. Another wanted to begin exercising, but kept putting it off.
I was interested in the possibility that what looked like doing nothing might involve several competing feelings at once.
We may want the outcome, yet feel uncertain about the experience of getting there. We may be tired, overwhelmed, unconvinced, afraid of disappointment, or simply drawn towards something else.
There isn't always a hidden explanation, and reluctance doesn't automatically mean we're avoiding a deeper truth.
Still, I find it interesting to notice the difference between what we say matters to us and what we find ourselves doing.
Not as another reason to criticise ourselves.
Just as another small part of being human that might be worth observing.